I just got back from a short trip in Ha Long Bay and i just decided to sit down and write about the experience from last saturday, when i had the most complicated and ambiguous feelings ever

It was just a normal week like others. My friend and I filled out the form to volunteer (the place we were going was “Com 5000” – where free meals are given to the patients in several hospitals around Hanoi) that Saturday, which is how the story starts!

We had extremely great bowls of wonton noodles, which I haven’t had for a long time – it was magnificent! (maybe that’s why i’m starving right now?!) Typically, when we hang out together, it will be, and it always be at Dee Thai – our favorite premium thai tea and ice cream shop. We waited for about an hour then started to go to the kitchen. From that on, I felt pretty nervous – I think I was excited and worried at the same time, as I have never done this kind of volunteering before. The people there were so supportive, as we were the youngest in attendance. They taught us several things and we had a nice time getting to know each other and preparing the meals.

After finishing all the steps, we headed to the Bach Mai hospital – where the volunteer club will give a free afternoon “snacks” to the patient’s family members. From what I observed during my time there, I just figured out that there were just a small number of “real” patients’ family members lining up and the majority of the people there were not taking care of anybody in the hospital. They only cared about getting free things,  but not for a good purpose. the people who needed the food the most had nothing, and the people who already had enough received more. it hurts to know that even though we were volunteering, perhaps we were not at all.

When I got home, the thought stayed in my mind for a couple days and I started to realize that volunteering is not always going to be fulfilling as the world isn’t always balanced, there would be some unpredictable moments we cannot control even though we know it is terrible.